I just have to vent for a moment. Today, Cooper bit a kid at MOPs today. Seriously, I was shocked that he did it...and, moritified.
We're a difficult spot because he's 2 and has a speech disorder. So, not only is he a 2 year old with his own set of goals and wants BUT he has no way of effectively communicating them. My hubby and I are pretty good at figuring out what he needs with signing and his picture book but average people aren't able to yet.
I know that toddlers will bite when they're stressed and don't have a way of communicating these feelings. I don't want to make excuses for him but they said that the victim of the biting had been crying off and on for the entire 2 hours and the room was very, very choatic when I went in there to get him. Cooper's life is very peaceful and calm. He has 3 little friends that he sees a couple of times a week and he's known these 3 kids for about a year and a half so they're the closest things to siblings that he'll probably ever have. The moppets room is crazy and he's not used to crazy. Plus, he didn't want to be in there and followed me out of the room 3 times screaming and hanging onto my legs. It was just a crazy morning.
My adrenaline started to rush when they called me out of the meeting because I thought Cooper was hurt. They told me that he had bit a little boy and the boy was wailing (rightfully so) when I got to the room and Cooper was off playing by himself. I picked Cooper up and he immediately started kissing and hugging me and he just had no idea that what he had done was bad. I mean, he's 2 and doesn't have the true capacity to understand right from wrong and that his actions can hurt others. My question is why didn't they call the hurt kid's mom out first? I get there and the poor kid is screaming for his mommy and I get to stand there and feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world while they go to get his mom...
This whole parenting thing is hard, so much harder than I ever imagined.
Give me advice, people, if you have it about what to do about biting! I need help! I mean, I can google advice but what has worked for you in real life?
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I think everything you are saying is right on point (except the part of you being all down on yourself). I believe at this age, kids do bit or hit when they get frustrated with their own lack of communication. Try not to think too much about it. I wouldn't worry until it becomes a pattern and maybe the Mops group is just too overwhelming for Coop. I know Nora would not do well there. She is used to one or two playmates at a time too. I'm no expert, though. xo
ReplyDeleteI wish I had better advice for you. Both The Girl and The Boy bit, but neither does it anymore. He's only 2.5 and just stopped about two months ago maybe. When he did it at home, we just kept stopping him and trying to explain "we don't bite." Took a while. The fact that this is (perhaps) the first time he bit anyone is better than most. Both of mine started biting at 12-15 months. A lot. It was almost a daily thing at daycare pickup that one of them bit someone. I guess I could say it gets better, and it does. Just don't pay attention to my post the other day about sour apple spray and Tabasco. ;^)
ReplyDeleteJen don't worry about it! It happens and may be more likely to happen with Coop since he can't express himself with words but it is soo normal for his age to bite. We've had to sign accident reports at daycare twice - once when Ruby bit someone and once when she was bit. I felt bad that she was bit and when she bit someone else I was just worried that she'd start biting but she never did. There have been a couple of times where she has put her mouth on me at home but doesn't bite down and she wasn't upset. I think she was just exploring the whole thing and I basically just froze because I was worried that she was going to bite me and then when she didn't I didn't say a word about it. Aaron always reminds that she keeps doing certain things because she gets a reaction from me.
ReplyDeleteThe other kid will be just fine and it's just part of their lives at that age. I mean seriously don't worry about it, especially after more than two years of life Cooper just bit someone for the first time. You are one of the best Moms I know (as far as I can tell) so don't feel like crap either.
On a lighter note - that is sooo sweet that he started hugging and kissing you when you picked him up. And your last sentence about googling and real life - that was lol funny!
Oh Jen, you are totally right - this whole parenting thing is a LOT harder than it seems from the outside. Before I was a Mom I was a great parent!
ReplyDeleteYou're doing a great job and Cooper is an awesome kid. With Asher's speech delay I've noticed him getting much more frustrated lately. In fact, he's started hitting me when things get to be "too much" or he can't be understood. We got a book from the library called "Hands are not for hitting" and I think it's helped A understand that hitting hurts and isn't a good way to express himself. They also make one called "Teeth are not for biting" if you want to check it out.
This is definitely just a phase. Hopefully a short one! I don't want to make excuses for Asher either, but the truth is that developmental delays do mean they can't do/handle everything that their peers can. Don't beat yourself up. :-)