What will 2010 bring?

This blog didn't even exist this time last year. I had no idea that I would have a son when I celebrated New Year's Day 2009...

2009 has brought the most wonderful event into our lives. Cooper has given my life purpose and unabounding joy...even at 2 AM and my eyes are crossing because sleep is so rare these days! I end this year with a grateful heart and an eagerness for all that 2010 will bring to my family.

I hope all of you are blessed beyond belief in the upcoming year! I can't wait to see all the rainbow babies that join our community and to celebrate with their very deserving mommies. I love all of you and thank you for all of your love and support this year.

I loved every minute...

of Cooper's first Christmas! My hubby did Cooper's 7 AM feeding and woke me up with Cooper in his arms to tell me "Merry first Christmas as a family!" AHHH...what a sweet feeling that was to have my two favorite guys to greet me on such a joyous day!

Cooper was my favorite present under the tree :)

We wore him out as evidence by the following pics...

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

As you can see Cooper is ready for Santa...I gave him the 411 on how Santa won't come unless he's asleep :)

Thank you for allowing me to vent..

and, thank you for those that offered support. It does feel better to know that I'm not alone in these insecurities. These insecurities went haywire due to an episode right after Cooper ate last night. I had fed him and burped him and he was just laying in my arms...and, all of a sudden he starts spewing up his formula and is turning this reddish/purplish color. I put him on his side and get the bulb syringe and then he started to scream bloody murder. I knew he was fine when he started to scream and its not like he stopped breathing or anything...I then start to worry "did I feed him too much..." or "can he choke on all this stuff coming up?"

I do think that I'm settling in to this mommy role nicely but I have always been my own worst critic. I will always find some reason to blame things on myself. I do know that worrying about being a good enough mother means that I must be doing something right...And, I know that I want Coop to look back and think "wow, my mom was awesome..."

Just a quote that I thought was appropriate to today's post:
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

So many questions...

Being a mommy is hard. HARD. Cooper has been home for 10 days and there hasn't been a day that I haven't worried if I'm doing something (inadvertingly) to hurt him. Am I feeding him too much or too little? Is he sleeping too much? Is his color normal? Does he feel warm or are my hands too cold? Why is he spitting up so much?

My questions go on and on...

I put my status on facebook about being up with him at night and all I get is "sleep when he sleeps"...when I should really just put "I can't sleep because I'm scared his apnea is going to come back and I won't be there to help him wake up..." I wish I could compartmentalize this fear...this terror that I have that he's going to end up back in the hospital because I missed something that I should have caught...a lot of preemies will end up back in the hospital and I don't want it to be because I'm a bad mommy.

Being a first-time mommy/a mommy to a preemie/mommy to an angel makes you even more paranoid than a regular first-time mom. I fear that my mommy instincts suck...

Christmas card debut :)

We decided to go with picture #3 after much debate. He was adorable in all of them but #3 did have a certain spunk that could not be denied!


Here is the finished product with a little help from Nathan's mommy at http://www.ababynamednathan.blogspot.com/ . She is a professional photographer and offered to photoshop Cooper's feeding tube out so that you could see more of his cute little face. The generosity of the ladies in our community never ceases to amaze me and her offer was very much appreciated by my hubby and myself.

Chillin' like a villian...

We're settling in quite nicely and I couldn't be happier, well, I could with just a little more sleep...BUT, I'm having the time of my life with this baby boy :)

Cooper taking a nap in his pack-n-play

Cooper doesn't like bathtime...this is his pitiful "why did you do this to me, mommy?" look...

He was a little less mad at me in this one...

Cooper having an indepth conversation with his froggie friend :)

51 days of hospital bedrest and 38 days of NICU...

AND, Cooper is finally home!


In the elevator....

In the car...

In the garage...

In his crib...(the toys won't be in there once he actually starts sleeping there)

On mommy and daddy's bed...

Today is a blessed day and I can't put into words how happy we both are to have our baby boy at home...

Discharge planning!

Cooper passed his carseat test today...He is going up to 8 bottles tomorrow and if he does good with his 8 bottles for 48 hours then we should be going home either Wednesday or Thursday! Do I have to tell you the emotions that run through every fiber of my body when I think about FINALLY bringing him home? After everything that we have been through to have a baby in our arms and in our home...

I'm overjoyed...

Cooper after a bottle...of breastmilk...happy boy :) And, I love what he's wearing today!

Cooper while doing his carseat test...completely oblivious on how important passing this test was to getting home...Passed with flying colors! His pulse ox didn't drop once!

So...

You guys have got me thinking about picture #3...You guys don't think he looks cranky? It is a hilarious picture so maybe we should go with that one?

I'm even more confused! Who would think this would become such a huge decision! There will a lot of people in our lives that this will be their first glimpse of him so I want it to be a really cute picture...

What would you think if you got a Christmas card with #3?

Christmas card photo shoot...

I'm so excited to do our Christmas card this year!

But, I need some help! Which picture do you guys like best between the first two? Help a sister out and leave a comment on which one you think I should go with :) I think he looks equally adorable in both of them!


#1

#2

I just wanted to share these because I thought they were funny...