Saturday, December 19, 2009

Thank you for allowing me to vent..

and, thank you for those that offered support. It does feel better to know that I'm not alone in these insecurities. These insecurities went haywire due to an episode right after Cooper ate last night. I had fed him and burped him and he was just laying in my arms...and, all of a sudden he starts spewing up his formula and is turning this reddish/purplish color. I put him on his side and get the bulb syringe and then he started to scream bloody murder. I knew he was fine when he started to scream and its not like he stopped breathing or anything...I then start to worry "did I feed him too much..." or "can he choke on all this stuff coming up?"

I do think that I'm settling in to this mommy role nicely but I have always been my own worst critic. I will always find some reason to blame things on myself. I do know that worrying about being a good enough mother means that I must be doing something right...And, I know that I want Coop to look back and think "wow, my mom was awesome..."

Just a quote that I thought was appropriate to today's post:
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh


  1. Oh, it is hard knowing how to read the baby's signs those first few days. Even after my fourth, you'd think I would have been at ease, but I still worried. Was I nursing her enough? Was she cold? Was she hot? And I even taught newborn classes at our local pregnancy center.

    But you seem to be on the right very attentive. And I can tell that baby Cooper is so loved. Keep posting when you are worried. There seems to be such a community of mothers willing to answer your questions and just listen.

    Hugs to you....

  2. Jen, I've been a mom for almost 13 years (holy CRAP!) and I still second-guess myself all the time. Did I punish him to harshly? When should we let him do this, or that? Which school is the best choice? The best advice I have to give you is go with your gut. A mother's instinct is very real. There have been times I've just "known" something was going on and sure enought it happened. Don't beat yourself up.

  3. I am so glad everything is okay! So scary! Way to go on your Mommy Instincts!

  4. *hugs* If you didn't care, you wouldn't worry. I am glad everything is ok. You are a great mom Jen...don't let anyone tell you different.

  5. I remember having some of those same fears and worries with my first baby, and I know following a loss those thoughts are probably 10 fold. That episode does sound scary, though and I'm glad it didn't turn out to be serious. You are being such a great mommy to both Cooper and Lily!!