Wednesday, February 26, 2014


There are days that I look at Cooper and my heart nearly bursts. I can say with certainty that there hasn't been a day since finding out that I was pregnant with him that I've taken for granted. I think back to a certain conversation and the fact that all of my every day joy may have never happened.  I think back to the grief of never spending a day with Lily and all of the moments that will never be. I think back to one sentence and if I had followed the doctor's recommendation that my son's very existence would be gone.

That sentence was "will you consider terminating the pregnany?" and my answer, without missing a heartbeat, was "absolutely not" and then the doctor's (who I adore to this day) response was "okay, so let's figure out how to make sure you get out of this pregnancy alive"...This would be the day that I found out that my childbearing days would end on the day of my son's birth. I knew about the hysterectomy for weeks and that I'd be in the hospital for weeks because being at home would mean a certain death if I went into labor.  I didn't care. I prayed every day for the life of my son.  I also prayed that I would rejoice every day if I was able to raise him.  So, I rejoice every.single.morning when I open his bedroom door in the morning until the very moment that I tuck him in at night. 

See, I'd jump in front of a bullet, speeding bus, give up any organ to keep Cooper alive.  Every day, I pray, and my unending prayer, is that I never outlive another child of mine. I would never survive. That was my thought as I told the doctor that termination was not an option.  That's a pretty deep thought that didn't take more than a heartbeat.

So, when I say that I don't take a day for granted, I mean it. I don't take a tantrum for granted. I don't take a single laugh, kiss, hug, smile, puke, nose-picking, or whatever else happens during the day for granted.  You'll never hear a complaint come from my mouth about my child. EVER.  His challenges are still a joy to me.

He's a miracle to me. I fought for him before I ever met him and I'll fight for him until the day that I die...


 Nope, not his birthday, just doing some speech therapy, lol 

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