I seem to be facing a popular misconception when it comes to Cooper's developmental delays. I don't mean this to be b*tchy and this isn't directed at anyone that I know in real life as I seem to face this from everyone, even after I've explained to them that Cooper has hypotonia. I had to explain all of this to the cashier at Kro.ger yesterday in response to the question and her following facial remarks in regards to Cooper not crawling yet. I'm not even per se "venting" because that also has a connotation of negativity. I guess I'm just writing this to get it off my mind.
Cooper isn't just be stubborn. He won't crawl, sit-up, or walk whenever he is "ready". He physically can't do these things. He wants to do these things! I see the frustration in his eyes when he's on his tummy and his legs are trying to push him but his arms aren't strong enough to push his body up. I see the frustration in his eyes when we're working on his sitting up but he folds right over because his trunk isn't strong enough to balance. I see his eyes follow the other babies as they crawl across the room. There isn't anything wrong with his drive to be independent!
This also has NOTHING to do with my patience! I'm not in a hurry to have a crawler because of a "ME" thing! I don't want him to sit-up on his own because it's a "ME" thing! I want him to be able to do the same things as the other babies his age not because it's a "ME" thing! I want him to have the same opportunities to play at Kanga.zoom so that he can have fun being a baby not because it's a "ME" thing. So, all the advice of "just be patient" is actually starting to grate my nerves.
Hmmm, okay, maybe this is turning into a vent! Please, understand through my smile when you ask me if my son is crawling yet is a mother that worries constantly about making sure that he has the same opportunities and experiences the same joy as all of the other babies.
I wish I had a crystal ball so that I could just see into the future for just 5 seconds...
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I soooooooooooooo get where you are coming from. Kira didn't walk until she was almost 4 years old and I know there were people who thought it was something "I" was or wasn't doing. She didn't crawl until she was 3.
ReplyDeleteEva is 19 months and delayed too......
One thing I have learned through all of this is that a child will do what they can, WHEN they can. If their body isn't able, there's nothing that will change that.
You are doing a great job!!
Thank you for understanding, Cori! You and I seem to be wearing the same shoes right now!
ReplyDeleteIt's frustrating and I just want people to understand that this has nothing to do with his drive...You're right he'll do things WHEN his body can do it and not before!
You are so right. I am uncomfortable when strangers ask me personal questions about Nora, her size, is she the first, ect... I also don't like it when people offer there two cents. Just last week someone told me to take her home because she was tired. Uhm... we just left the house, lady! Anyway, you have a bigger burdon to carry and I am sorry. In my eyes, Coop is such a miracle and he is thriving. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh Jen, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hard
ReplyDeleteOh Jen, I'm so sorry! I can only imagine how hard it must be to deal with constant questions, comments, and glances. You are doing an awesome job as a mom and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I think it's great how well you know Cooper and what he is feeling. You're great at understanding his needs!
ReplyDeleteJen I cant relate completely BUT, I was at a march of dimes meet last night for the "MOMs night out" and we all went around the room and said our stories. There were many preemies that were miracles and as they are growing the parents are feeling the pressures from people as "Why are you so excited your baby walked at 18 months that is so late!!" and they respond with "THIS IS A MIRACLE!!" The truth is even when you leave the hospital with a baby it doesnt mean the stupid comments and opinions stop. especially when you have a child that isnt doing it the way THEY think it should be done. You continue to be proud of everything he does and we will be proud to hear it. I am so sorry that he has to see the others crawl and wonder why he isnt yet. My heart breaks for him, I just pray he can prove everyone wrong more!!!
ReplyDeleteI cant relate to your feelings because I havent faced them. But I do know what its like for a mom to want her child to accomplish the things that THEY want so badly to accomplish. Cooper will accomplish all of those things when his body is ready for him to do them and when he does, it will be soooo wonderful for all of you! You dont owe anyone an explaination but you are well within your rights to vent!!! Any momma who gets "those looks" from anyone about anything has the right to vent.
ReplyDeleteHe will do things in his time. Don't take things personal. People don't understand what it's like to have a preemie. Cooper is doing well. My friend had a 26 weeker that was always behind at least 6 months and now that she is 3 1/2 she is now caught up. Lily has hypotonia too.
ReplyDeleteWhat my friends advice to me wss to take one day at a time because it goes by so fast. Life is too fast. She said that she was so worried about Lily's milestones that she never really enjoyed Lily as much as she should have. All babies develop at different times.
Keep your chin up!
*hugs* Jen
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you had to go through that. I can imagine that answering these questions is very difficult. You are strong and Coop is strong. You are doing all that you can for your sweet little boy and don't let anyone tell you differently. Coop is such a blessing and only someone who hasn't suffered the loss of a child would think otherwise.
Sometimes you just want to wear a shirt that says, "If you don't have a filter, don't open your mouth, please."
ReplyDeleteSeriously.
I had a little girl several years ago that had hypotonia. She was in 1st grade when I taught her, and that was my first experience with anything like that. She was adorable, brilliant and sweet...and yet, so many parents always felt the need to share with me (the teacher) what they'd do as her parents. I loved my parents, and knew they meant well, but wanted to say, 'Honestly...I'm betting they are just thrilled to see her smile. So she won't be a gymnast. There's more to life than that!! Wait until she's developing the newest cure for cancer or something."
I'm sorry you are subjected to these comments. Wish I believed there was a cure for them...but people will be people and we know there really isn't.
So maybe I should get to work on a shirt.
xoxo