The early days of being a new mom are so tough. No one can ever tell you how hard it is to have a newborn and you don't know how hard a new human being can be until you have one of you own. You have lofty dreams while you're pregnant of having this "dream" baby that sleeps through the night, a baby that smiles and coos and never cries...then, real-life hits and you look at this precious being that is totally your responsibility. I couldn't wait for this mommy thing to become easy...

Eh, it's still not easy 10 months in but the effort is totally worth the rewards. I experienced one of these rewards yesterday while at the park doing a school supply drive with my mom's group. Cooper was in a swing and was smiling and giggling so loudly as he would swing towards and then swing away. My heart hurt as I looked at him. I love him so much that sometimes I don't know how my heart can make it.


His smile is like a burst of sunshine! He can be driving me crazy when he's fighting a nap and he can give me one of those smiles and it's just about all I can do to just not bring him back down to the living room to play. The way he laughs when I pretend that I'm going to eat his toes is music that I hope my ears always remember.


Motherhood is the hardest experience that I ever signed up for but is the greatest journey all wrapped into one.

He's so funny to me!

We practice of our sitting up with our Boppy infront of him and a couch throw pillow behind him (I'm real high-tech, eh?)...I guess he decided he was done sitting up and wanted to roll away. Alas, his Boppy served as a barrier to his freedom! I just think he is a hoot and a half! The last picture is why he'll never be spanked (which I'm not a proponent of really anyways!) or grounded...who could ever get mad at that cute little face?

My living room is a baby's dream but a mommy's nightmare! We have toys everywhere but it's a happy house so excuse the mess ;)

Hip Helpers

Cooper has his very own pair of Hip Helpers support shorts for our exercises at home! He has a tendency to have "froggie" legs when on his tummy and he kinda just lets them flop around when he rolls. These help kids that have hip abductions and/or low muscle tone which is Cooper's case so his PT recommended that we get them for Cooper's home exercises.






As you can see, he still has the ability to roll around in them. We use these for all of his PT exercises with minimal whining :)

Who knew?

I bought Cooper a really nice winter coat and a fall zip-up sweater for the fall at a consignment sale and I also bought him a light weight jacket from Gap off the clearance rack last week. I washed them and put them on hangers...then, took them to the coat closet in the hallway and a smile came over my face...which is rare because who likes doing any steps of the laundry process?

I smiled as I hung Cooper's coats in the closet in between mine and my hubby's coats because it was just one of those *real* moments. Those moments where even the mundane becomes magical. He's here. He's our son and his coats are in our coat closet.

Who knew that coats could bring a smile to your face and to your heart?

Cooper and Aunt Aimee

My sister, Aimee, came for a visit yesterday because we were going to see Maroon 5 (!) and I caught some really cute photos of her with Cooper...

First, I should add that my sister is the best sister and aunt on the planet. She is genuinely one of the sweet people on the planet. We've always been close but grew even closer after I almost died, LITERALLY, the day that I lost Lily. We talk 2 or 3 times a day! She's awesome...really, no lie! You'll see on her wrist that she's wearing two bracelets, one is for October 15th which is the national day of remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss and the other one is for the March of Dimes. She participates in both of these events since we lost Lily...see, I told you she was the world's best aunt!

I'm going to have to face it...

I'm addicted to Cooper! His cheeks are like magnets to my lips!

OH, how I'll mourn the day when my kisses become cooties :(

So much to say!

Cooper recently started babbling and I caught this video during lunchtime today. He would stop everytime I would put the camera on him so I had to do a sneak attack...

One day, we'll work on our manners about not talking with our mouth full of squash :) Listen to him after I say I love you (around 1:50) because I swear it sounds like he's saying "I love you"...I know he's not but it's too funny how similar it sounds!

MRI nightmare!

The alarm clock started going off at 5 AM this morning so that I could feed Cooper because he wasn't allowed any food after 6 AM. We arrive at the hospital at 10:35 to register Cooper for his MRI and then wait patiently in the lobby. Our nurse is nice and funny. We change Cooper into his gown and watch a video about contrast dyes. Then the IV drama begins...

Cooper begins meltdown phase as soon as the cold spray hits his hand. IV doesn't take and he's beyond pissed. IV nurse (with obnoxious baby voice) calls in the nice and funny nurse to hold down Cooper's leg to do an IV. Meltdown number 2 is in full swing. IV doesn't take AGAIN. IV nurse laments about how tiny Cooper's veins are (funny, the nicu nurses NEVER had a problem) and orders the ultrasound team to come down so they can find a vein. Alas, IV nurse says "well, they could be down here in 10 mins, 30 mins or an hour..." Now, he's gone almost 8 hours without food! Who likes to hang out with a hungry baby because I sure as hell don't! 45 minutes passes and a new nurse is on duty and tells us that u/s machine will be another 45 minutes! Now, we're going on 9 hours without food. New nurse suggests a sedative that they can insert in his rectum but that there is a possibility that he could wake up during the MRI. I promptly tell her that if he does wake up during the MRI that someone will be punched by me. In the end, we decided to reschedule the MRI. He had been poked twice and had two major meltdowns and was now looking at 9+ hours without food.

I'm pissed. Really? A children's hospital can't put an IV in my baby's arms because the veins are too small? Aren't baby's veins supposed to be small? He had two major meltdowns which resulted in petechiae (which is when the capillaries below the skin burst due to straining) all over his body.

The highlight of all of this...he said "dada" on the way home! Wish it were "mama" but whatever!

*Edited to correct the spelling of petechiae :)

MRI tomorrow

I just rocked Cooper to sleep for his afternoon nap and I held him for a few extra minutes before placing him in his crib. I paid attention to the weight of him in my arms and listened to his rhythmic breathing. I kissed his cheek and whispered "I love you"...This was such a peaceful scene and a quiet moment shared between the two of us...I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

Cooper has his MRI tomorrow. They're going to give him meds to sleep so (praying!) that the whole experience won't be too dramatic. I'm terrified of him being scared and not being there to help him through it. The thought of him needing me and not being there gives me a surge of anxiety/panic that makes me want to puke. They want to check for brain structure abnormalities due to the hypotonia and other developemental delays. In my heart, I feel like the MRI is going to show a perfect brain BUT there's always that little voice that says "come on, you've had some of the most rare events happen to you, do you really think that your son will be one of the lucky ones?" Hello, uterine rupture, placenta increta, hysterectomy at 31...I mean my luck sucks...

But, it's more than my luck just sucking...this is my child's future...

But, than I look at his luck and I think "Well, God's been on his side all this time..." What can you say about a baby that lived because his placenta grew into scar tissue that kept my uterus together long enough to get him to 31 weeks? What do you say about a baby that received steriods 2 days (steriods are most effective within 48 hours) before his mother went into spontaneous preterm labor? What do you say about a baby that never had to be on a vent despite being born at 31 weeks? What do you say about a baby that goes to physical therapy every week and despite the trials always has a smile to give?

He is a miracle in every sense of the word! He's my heart. He's my pride and joy regardless of what he can/cannot do...He's Super Cooper all the way :)

My baby the roller :)

Many of you know that Cooper was diagnosed with Hypotonia about a month ago and any progress is huge for us! Cooper is unable to bear weight on his legs and has poor trunk balance so he isn't able to sit up yet either. He does weekly physical therapy so each week does bring progress and I'll take whatever progress that he's able to give....

This morning out of nowhere, Cooper started rolling all over the place! He mastered back to tummy a few weeks ago and he would just roll to his tummy and get mad...that was until this morning! The proverbial lightbulb went off and he's been all over the place. We've been childproofing little things along the way but it looks like we'll have to ramp it up!

Cooper's first haircut!

Cooper came into the world with a head full of hair and you should've seen this 4 pound baby with the beautiful red hair! Actually, I think my first words when I met him 12 (!) hours after he was born were "wow, look at his hair!" When I was able to hold him when he was 2 days old the first thing my hands went to was his hair to run my fingers through it!

So, his hair is still thick and beautiful but was becoming a bit shaggy (I'm oldfashioned in that I believe little boy's hair should be short) so today was the day. I've been joking about how he has so much of it that I have to comb it over to the side to keep it out of his eyes and he's starting to look like Donald Trump!

We went to a place called Pigtails and Crewcuts and it was perfect! The kids sit in chairs that are planes, firetrucks and policecars. Poor Cooper can't sit up yet (stupid Hypotonia) so mommy brought his Bumpo and he was sitting so cute with his little cape on! He kinda just hung out looking at us like "what's going on?" the entire time! They have a "first haircut package" so they put his first locks into a little envelope and took his picture which will all go into his babybook.

He looks like a little boy with his haircut! No more hair over his ears and no more scraggily ends on his neck! I should've had it done weeks ago but really, I just wasn't emotionally "there" yet!

Cooper's first view from the big boy seat :)

Yeah, I've got him propped up with blankets but who cares ;) I figured this would give him an opportunity to do sitting up practice while taking in the view at Cost.co! He was happy as a clam I might add, too! He's 21 pounds (heavy!) now so I usually just put his baby carrier in the buggy and go along my merry way! This was SO much easier!

Next test will be a high chair during our next meal at a restaurant!

9 Months!

I cannot believe that he's 9 months old! He's 75% of the way through his first year! It felt like time was moving backwards when I was pregnant with him but now it feels like life is moving at warpspeed!

He's just my joy every second of the day :)

The monkey that Cooper is holding was given to him by a dear friend of ours because this monkey's name is also Cooper! Seriously, he has a tag that says Cooper :) Taking the pic with the two Coopers sounded like a great idea but the monkey Cooper was too much of a distraction for the real Cooper!