MRI tomorrow

I just rocked Cooper to sleep for his afternoon nap and I held him for a few extra minutes before placing him in his crib. I paid attention to the weight of him in my arms and listened to his rhythmic breathing. I kissed his cheek and whispered "I love you"...This was such a peaceful scene and a quiet moment shared between the two of us...I'm not looking forward to tomorrow.

Cooper has his MRI tomorrow. They're going to give him meds to sleep so (praying!) that the whole experience won't be too dramatic. I'm terrified of him being scared and not being there to help him through it. The thought of him needing me and not being there gives me a surge of anxiety/panic that makes me want to puke. They want to check for brain structure abnormalities due to the hypotonia and other developemental delays. In my heart, I feel like the MRI is going to show a perfect brain BUT there's always that little voice that says "come on, you've had some of the most rare events happen to you, do you really think that your son will be one of the lucky ones?" Hello, uterine rupture, placenta increta, hysterectomy at 31...I mean my luck sucks...

But, it's more than my luck just sucking...this is my child's future...

But, than I look at his luck and I think "Well, God's been on his side all this time..." What can you say about a baby that lived because his placenta grew into scar tissue that kept my uterus together long enough to get him to 31 weeks? What do you say about a baby that received steriods 2 days (steriods are most effective within 48 hours) before his mother went into spontaneous preterm labor? What do you say about a baby that never had to be on a vent despite being born at 31 weeks? What do you say about a baby that goes to physical therapy every week and despite the trials always has a smile to give?

He is a miracle in every sense of the word! He's my heart. He's my pride and joy regardless of what he can/cannot do...He's Super Cooper all the way :)