I've done a lot of thinking since we've found out that the heart murmur had grown and was causing his heart to enlarge, the surgery to repair it and the time between surgery to follow-up. I do a lot of thinking, ok, I over-think a lot of stuff, but that's a different post! The days leading up to the surgery were just absolute torture. Yes, I prayed and said all the "God has this under control" business. I think I was mostly messed up because this was his heart (I wasn't nearly a mess with his hernia surgery in March) because I've been dealt heartbreaking news once before with one of my children. The heart is just the most precious organ. You cannot live without it. There hasn't been a day since August 3, 2008 that I haven't though about Lily's heart and why it had to stop beating. Sure, it's easy to say "you can't think about it that way with Coop" because a mommy's love and devotion defies logic when it concerns their child. The panic settled in the moment he was rolled out of his room for the surgery. I kept repeating to myself "please, God, protect his heart. Please, God, let it out beat my own. I cannot live without him." Like I said, I over-think at times, but, I don't take a single day for granted and I notice the details that many don't so the over-thinking isn't always a negative!
I left the cardiologist's office repeating "Thank you, God!" over and over. My heart beats with thankfulness!