Wednesday, September 16, 2009


"My precious little baby
I have loved you from the start
You are a tiny miracle
Laying closely to my heart
Each day I feel your presence
Each day you heart beats softly
As only I could know
So I'll keep this in a special place
And remember each year through
Of this very special time in my life
The moment I carried you"
-- Author: Unknown
It's weird to say that I am finding this bed rest to be a blessing but I find myself very thankful for this time in my life. A day after Lily died I was told by one of the rounding doctors about the beauty of adoption. I was told by more than one doctor that week and through proceeding check-ups to never use my uterus again. I was also told by the doctors about how grateful I should be that I got to keep my uterus. That comment used to make me angry because all of your organs (minus your appendix) have a purpose and what good is it to have an organ in my body that would just be a constant reminder of the most devastating loss of my life?
I used to hate to hear the comment "God has a plan" after losing Lily. I could not see any purpose in God giving me such a burden to carry in my life. I am beginning to see how we only see the small pieces in a puzzle whereas God sees all the pieces together in a beautiful picture. God allowed me to keep my uterus for a reason. He knew that in a short time that I would be using it again to carry this new life inside of me. Some would question how I've come to terms with the hysterectomy already but I see that the placenta increta was not an accident. The placenta growing over the scar is keeping my uterus together and hence keeping my baby safe inside. Nothing is happening coincidentally but by beautiful design.
I feel as if I'm rambling but I woke up today feeling Cooper moving inside of me and then listened to his heartbeat for an hour this morning AND felt tears of joy rather than the tears of heartbreak that have been escaping my eyes for the last 13 months. And, I feel wonderfully and awesomely blessed.


  1. Jen, that is a beautiful poem and beautiful thoughts. As much as it pains me to say, I too believe that God has a plan for us and I hope it includes a living child at some point. I think we all believe it, but in the face of loss have a heard time accepting a plan without our beautiful babies. I am glad to hear all is well. :)

  2. Thank you for sharing that with us! I know I would give anything if I could be in your shoes. Just being able to carry another child would be such a blessing... Praying for you and your baby and a healthy delivery!!

  3. Amen to that! Hugs to both of you! :)

  4. THanks for your comment on my rupture birth story. I had no idea, until later on, how blessed I was to go home with my baby after a rupture. I'm so sorry you lost your Lily, but thrilled that God has given you this new bundle. Glad to hear you are under good care and they are taking all precautions. I'll be following your progress!